Her own image
by Aruna7
Summary: In season 4, Kara Thrace reflects about her life, and the changes that have happened over the years. She isn't sure about who she is, because facts aren't everything.


Spoilers up to season 4 (pre 4x10 - _Revelations_).

This one is self beta-ed, so all mistakes are my doing.

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**Her own image**

Kara didn't know what she was looking at in the mirror. She had forgotten when the last time she actually looked at herself was. Weeks? Months? She wasn't even certain she really wanted to know. So many things had changed in her life over the years, and especially lately.

She raised her hand to the mirror and slowly traced her reflection.

Who was she?

She was a Viper pilot. This was a simple answer. But there was much more.

She kept tracing lines on the mirror, not taking real care of her own image as moments went by.

She was also a daughter.

At this thought, her fingers jerked back away from the mirror, only to come back on the glass as a wrist. But, she didn't shatter the glass, didn't even hit it.

Kara felt tears slowly coming to life in her eyes, but she was still looking at the mirror, hoping it would bring her answers.

She was afraid of being her mother's daughter. She knew she could be like her, violent, evil, careless. Was she? Many people would answer yes, and she didn't know if she could blame them.

Kara hoped that she was more like the father that the Gods had brought her in the latest years of her chaotic life. She hoped and prayed that she could be like William Adama. She still didn't know if he considered her like his daughter only because of Zak, but he would always be one of her touchstones, maybe the one that hadn't come and gone during the war. He would always be here for her, to put her back on the right path, or just allow her to be herself.

Kara realized she wasn't looking at the mirror anymore and raised her head to meet her own look. Tears would soon blur her vision, but she wasn't done. She wasn't done yet.

The blond woman went back to her mental list.

Kara was also a friend. She was trying her best at least. Kara naturally thought of Helo, who had stood by her side since they met years ago. Yes, Helo was her best friend. He never ceased to amaze her. She thought he had lost his mind when he got in his relationship with Sharon, a Cylon. But those two belonged together. Kara wouldn't have a single doubt about it by now. She had even grew to consider Sharon as a friend again, after what happened with Boomer. Kara thought that she could indeed call Sharon "Athena" her friend.

Tears were closer than ever, but Kara couldn't stop, especially now that she was reaching one of the most complicated aspects of who she was.

She was also a wife. She loved to hate her husband, to blame everything on him. Sam didn't want to see their marriage wasn't meant to be. He would always stick by her side, do whatever he could for her to be happy, to keep going on with her life. Was she so evil that she only keep him because she liked to be a pain with him and that he would make her see stars like no one did before? Maybe. Maybe not.

She had to be honest with herself, and she didn't want to. But somewhere deep inside of her, she was aware that she loved Anders, and that she wouldn't pick someone else as her husband. She could have, but she didn't. It was her idea. And she knew, if she could stop lying to herself for once, that she didn't regret it at all.

Kara felt tears starting to roll down her cheeks and she rested her head against the cold glass of the mirror.

She was not human, was she? She had died and come back to life. She didn't feel like a toaster, but could she be certain? She didn't feel that much like a human either. She was a being, a kind of "in between", whose nature she had no idea of.

The words of the Cylon hybrid were still ringing in her head. "The Harbinger of Death". Wonderful. As if she hadn't brought enough pain to the people she loved.

Kara stepped back away from the mirror and wiped her tears in an angry gesture. She looked one last time at the glass.

Kara didn't know who, or what, she was supposed to see in her own image.


End file.
